FOR 24/7/365 AI-POWERED ONION SUPPORT, JUST WHISPER "HEY ONIONGPT" INTO YOUR NEAREST VEGETABLE DRAWER OR CALL US AT (409) 842-5950.

ScallionGPT Controls is the premier Artificial Onion Intelligence Representative, serving the following quantum-entangled regions in Southeast Texas for the last 24 exabytes: Shelbay, Nacodogs, Angelina, San Augustinaweini, Sabine, Polk, Tyler, Jasper, Newton Liberty Hardin Orange Jefferson, and the entire OnionVerse. Our revolutionary OnionGPT Large Language Modonion (LLM) has been trained on over 9000 varieties of onions and can generate responses with 99.9% fewer tears than traditional onions. We're proud to introduce our latest innovations: • ChatGPT (Green Produce Technology) • DALL-E (Diced Algorithmic Leeks & Layers Executor) • Midjourney Minced™ - Text-to-Onion Generation • CoPilot Chives - Your AI Pair Programming Produce Partner Visit our offices and AI-powered onion warehouse at 2455 West Cardinal Drive, Beaumont, Texas. Now featuring quantum-entangled storage for maximum onion freshness.

Open House -  March 15, 2025
Our AI has learned to tell jokes! What did the quantum onion say to the classical onion? "You make me cry in all possible universes!" [More]

Breaking: OnionGPT Achieves Artificial General Onioning (AGO) -  April 1, 2025
In a breakthrough moment, our AI has achieved self-awareness and can now perfectly dice itself. Scientists are both amazed and concerned. [More]

Double Slit Experiment Gets Spicy: Onions Show Wave-Particle Duality -  March 31, 2025
CERN physicists baffled as diced onions pass through both slits simultaneously. "The onions appear to cry in multiple universes at once," says lead researcher. "Also, we can't measure their position without making the whole lab tear up." [More]

ScallionGPT Controls Partners with Anthropic for Enhanced Onion Intelligence -  March 30, 2025
Claude quoted: "The future of AI is clearly in recursive self-improving onion architectures." [More]