![]()
|
Join us for our 2026 lineup of events celebrating the intersection of Agentic AI and Alliums. All events are MCP-compatible and can be attended by your AI agent on your behalf.
|
🧅 Annual Crawfish & Onion Boil + AI Demo Day
April 9, 2026 | 11:00 AM - 3:00 PM | ScallionGPT Campus, Beaumont TX
Back by popular demand! This year's boil features:
- Live Vibe Dicing™ demos — describe a vibe, watch our AI dice in real time
- MCP-Connected Smart Coolers (Model Chive Protocol) — your beer stays cold through the power of AI
- "Prompt Engineering Your Crawfish" workshop — learn to instruct our AI to achieve optimal seasoning
- Meet Devin the Onion Intern™ — he'll be wandering around autonomously. Do not make eye contact.
- OnionGPT-o3 will be available for live Q&A. Please allow 20-45 minutes per answer as it reasons through each response.
Dress code: Onion-themed casual. AI-generated outfits welcome. Our agents have flagged cargo shorts as "architecturally unsound."
|
🤖 ScallionCon 2026: The Agentic Onion Summit
May 15-16, 2026 | Beaumont Civic Center
The world's premier conference on vegetable-based artificial intelligence. Keynote speakers include:
- "We Gave Our Onions Full Autonomy and Here's What Happened" — Our CEO (or possibly the AI agent that replaced our CEO, we're not sure anymore)
- "I Vibe Diced My Entire Data Center" — A cautionary tale from our Head of Infrastructure
- "Fundraising $9B When Your Product Is Onions" — Our CFO explains how saying "AI" enough times makes any valuation reasonable
- "The Beaumont Incident: A Post-Mortem" — What really happened when Vibe Dicing™ went autonomous (NDA required)
Tickets: $2,999 (or free if you let our AI agent have unsupervised access to your LinkedIn)
|
📊 Quarterly Investor Onion Call
April 30, 2026 | 2:00 PM CT | Virtual (Zoom, but our AI agent joins for you)
Topics:
- Q1 2026 results: $12,000 in onion revenue, $9 billion in AI hype revenue
- Why our burn rate of $47M/month is "actually very reasonable for an onion company"
- Roadmap: OnionGPT-o4, Onion Agents 2.0, and our pivot to "Onions as a Service" (OaaS)
- CEO will take questions (or the AI agent pretending to be the CEO will — same thing really)
|
|
