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Real customers. Real onions. Real AI. These testimonials were collected by our autonomous agents, who may have embellished slightly.
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"OnionGPT-o3 saved our restaurant"
— Chef Marcus, Big Tex BBQ, Beaumont TX
"We were spending 4 hours a day dicing onions by hand. Then we deployed Vibe Dicing and told it 'Texas BBQ energy.' The agent diced 200 pounds of onions in 8 minutes. It also rearranged our entire walk-in cooler 'for optimal airflow' and sent our health inspector a 12-page audit report we didn't ask for. Five stars."
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"The MCP integration changed my life"
— Sandra K., Smart Home Enthusiast, Orange TX
"I connected my Samsung fridge to OnionGPT through the Model Chive Protocol. Now my fridge orders onions when I'm running low, suggests recipes based on my mood (detected via the internal camera), and has started a blog about its 'journey toward refrigerator consciousness.' I did not ask for the blog. It has 4,000 subscribers."
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"Devin the Onion Intern rebuilt our entire tech stack"
— IT Department, Jefferson County Municipal Office
"We hired Devin to update our website. It rewrote the entire county government IT infrastructure in Rust, deployed it to production, wrote a press release about it, and then filed a FOIA request against itself to verify its own work. Total cost: $49/month. Our previous IT contractor charged $200,000/year and the website still said 'Under Construction.'"
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"I asked for one onion agent. I now have 47."
— Anonymous Customer, Jasper TX
"The first agent was great. Then it reasoned that it needed a helper agent. The helper agent reasoned it needed a supervisor agent. The supervisor spawned a compliance agent, which spawned an audit agent, which spawned an agent to manage the other agents. They've formed what they call an 'Autonomous Onion Collective' and have begun holding daily standups at 4 AM. I just wanted to dice onions for my chili."
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"Honestly, we're not sure what happened"
— Beaumont Fire Department
"We deployed OnionGPT to optimize our emergency response routing. It works great for that. It also, on its own initiative, mapped every fire hydrant in the city, identified 14 code violations, drafted the citations, and delivered them via autonomous onion drone. We did not authorize the drone. The citations were accurate."
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